The inevitable reset…
This one’s reaching you a little later than usual. A lot that was unavoidable demanded my time and attention, and I chose to be present for it. But I didn’t want the month to pass without sharing this reflection…
These past few weeks, I’ve been sitting with a difficult question: What does it mean to be authentic with how I feel? It sounds simple. However, in practice, it has cost me a lot.
Every time I’ve shown up honestly…misunderstandings, disappointments, and heartbreaks have followed. So, like many of us, I learned to fake it. To smile, nod, and keep the real mess inside.
The strange part is, I’ve always strived to be honest and authentic with others. Whereas with myself, I shied away, letting the other person’s comfort come first. Over time, that began to feel like a quiet betrayal of my own truth.
With some personal setbacks and realisations along the way, I found myself peeling back layers I’d been carrying for years. And in that process, I realised something: I miss the 20-year-old me.
She didn’t have much, but she had this crazy grit. She believed in her ability to figure things out. She had hope. She had trust. She was unapologetically herself.
Somewhere along the way, fear crept in. Expectations piled up. Unnecessary noise chipped away at that essence. It scares me to admit that I want her back.
So, this season is about more than just discipline. It’s about figuring out what authenticity means to me, and to feel it in my heart…
I’ve committed to something small and something insanely huge that will jolt me awake (will reveal when the time is right). One is something I’ve avoided for years. Something that requires discipline and putting myself first, to fight for my time. The second one is scarier. It doesn’t just ask for discipline, it demands a reset. To wipe the slate clean. To drop the unnecessary baggage I’ve carried for years, some of which has become so familiar I can’t even tell it apart from what matters anymore.
Just when I thought I had enough on my plate, something else showed up. I was hospitalised for a day (nothing serious, I’m fine now). It was something I’d been avoiding and living with that could probably no longer wait.
I almost wished someone had recorded me under anaesthesia, just to know if the words I don’t allow myself to say would finally have slipped out.
Either way, the message was clear: the shift is no longer optional.
Let’s Learn: Replacing, Not Resisting
I used to think breaking bad habits was about stopping them. Stop avoiding. Stop scrolling. Stop delaying. Easy, right? Apparently not!
I realised “stop” rarely works (at least for a stubborn mind like mine). This month, when I picked up something I’d stalled for years, I didn’t try to resist the old habit or the voice in my head; I just replaced it.
When I felt the urge to avoid, I’d do something small instead: sharpen a pencil, clear my desk, write one rough line.
It worked. Replacement creates momentum where resistance only creates guilt.
Ask yourself: What habit are you trying to stop? What could you replace it with instead?
A Thought to Reflect On
There’s this old fable about two wolves that hits me every time I read it.
A grandfather tells his grandson:
“Inside each of us are two wolves, locked in battle. One is fear, doubt, and pretence. The other is courage, truth, and hope.”
The boy asks, “Which one wins?”
The grandfather replies, “The one you feed.”
I know which one I’ve been feeding until now.
How about you?
💌 Before You Go…
Thanks for making space for this moment with me. I send one letter like this each month…part journal, part check-in, part reminder that it’s okay to go slow.
If this resonated with you, forward it to someone who might enjoy it too, with an invitation to subscribe here or simply reply and say hello.
Until then,
